Saturday, March 24, 2012

Curse you Michael Bay!

Ok Mr. Bay.  I'm chill, just like Michelangelo. But I'm not happy. And I don't trust you with my beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles franchise. 

The first thing you announce about your new TMNT is that you are making them loveable aliens?  I'm sorry... but that kinda misses the whole point of them being Teenage Mutants, doesn't it?  We already have an absurd back story... they were dropped in radioactive sewer slime, mutated, then trained to be ninjas by a rat!  Do we really need to make an entire planet of walking, talking turtles to make the turtles-as-ninjas more "plausible"????  Guess what?  This franchise was never about  plausibility. Or having "loveable" heroes.  We fans loved the show because the Turtles were...

Irreverent.
Arrogant.
Sarcastic.
Goofy.

....but loveable and alien?  I think you have the wrong franchise here... that's E.T.  Not TMNT.  Who describes teenager boys as loveable, Mr. Bay? 

And then when fans, like myself, get a little testy about your decision to toss the origin story and  make a more "complex" one... you actually have the nerve to yell at the fans of the franchise.  You tell us to chill out -- because we haven't seen these amazing scripts you have! Nice way to sell you movie. Insult your audience.

Oh, and riddle me this, Mr. Bay...Why does a two-hour action flick based on a cartoon need a new "complex" back-story?  Are we really going to care about Raphael's mother back on planet Turtlelove while the Turtles dodge whirling balls of fire and flipped cars?

And now Mr. Bay is flaunting all the people that back his new "vision" of Loveable Alien Ninja Turtles, including one of the original creators.  But, you know what?  They got PAID to like you Mr. Bay.  I did not.

 And now a few lyrics from "Turtle Power!"....

They were once normal, but now they're mutants.
Splinter's the teacher so they are the students.
Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello,
Make up the team and one other fellow
Raphael. He's the leader of the group
Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop.
Pizza's the food that's sure to please,
These ninjas are into pepperoni and cheese.

------------------------------------------------------------

This post was ALSO prompted by "30 days of shamelessness."  I'm planning to get through the whole list, in order, but not necessarily in 30 days. Enjoy. Feel free to steal and join in the fun.

1.declare your love for an uncool TV show.
2.look a fool.
3.eat. Whatever you feel like eating.
4.waste time.
5.declare your love for an uncool movie.  Oh, yes.  Not only did I love the TMNT movies, I knew all the words to the rap song Turtle Power.  .... I can't believe I just admitted that.
6.act “girly” or “manly” in a way you’d normally avoid.
7.share your efforts at something you don’t think you do well.
8.sweat.
9.expose something messy or dirty you’d usually hide.
10.declare your love for an uncool band.
11.dress to show some skin.
12.share about a health struggle.
13.speak up about something crap that was done to you.
14.hold yourself accountable — not guilty — for something crappy you did to someone else.
15.dress, walk, and act like you know you’re all that.
16.spend money on a non-necessity or share a financial struggle.
17.discuss the reality of your work situation.
18.brag.
19.share details about a bodily function or fluid.
20.talk about sex
21.express a strong feeling.
22.set a boundary.
23.air one of your secrets.
24.share a struggle you have yet to “just get over.”
25.ask for help.
26.make a mistake.
27.express a dissenting opinion.
28.discuss a failure.
29.look a fool.
30.name 3 more ways you can live shamelessly and commit to doing them…

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