I'm in a hostile environment. I'm totally unprepared.
As I read the comments, I was very surprised at how many of the commenters agreed with her. So, before I start my rant, I want to set my own ground rules:
- I am all for both stay at home moms and working moms. In fact, I don't know why we are so often on the "opposing sides." Why can't we just get along and be happy for the decisions that other mothers have made?
- As this is a semi-political post, I welcome any comments that are well thought out. I'm quite open-minded. However, any trolls or attacks will be summarily deleted.
I'm a full time working mom. I work not because I have to -- because I want to. Because I'm a better mom and a better person by working at a full-time professional job. I graduated with honors from a top college; I got my Masters degree in a technical field. I have always wanted to work and pursue a career; I have also wanted to have a family. I do not see these as in conflict. Neither does my husband. He also works full-time at a professional job. No, we do not need both of our incomes; we could survive on one. But, this is the best situation for us. And it is not about stuff, though the extra income does provide us more choices for our children, and we use it (college savings, preschool, life insurance, etc.).
It would not be good for my children or my mental health for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Anyone who knows me personally would agree. I would go crazy at home with my kids all day. I give kudos to stay at home moms! You have a very hard job. My brain does not function well on toddler time. I say this honestly; some people are better fit for this kind of work. I'm better fit for working with business people, programmers, and various other IT geeks. I don't see this as a character flaw. I think I'm an asset.
Does this mean that I'm not a good mom? I think I'm a pretty good mom. Better than most, in fact.
We -- my husband and I -- love our children and we work hard to make the best decisions for them. So, we found a wonderful at-home daycare. Then, we found a wonderful Montessori preschool. Then we found a wonderful full-time day camp during the summers between school sessions.
We make it work. For us. I wish the business world and society was more supportive of us working moms, but we still make due.
We are not alone.
Now, it seems the response to this is that we are -- or specifically I am -- allowing someone else to raise my children; I say no. My husband and I are raising our children. My kids know who is in charge and who loves them -- mom and dad. They also have lots of wonderful adults around them that mom and dad have chosen to influence their values and education. I don't think it is a problem to have other reasonable adults influencing my children; in fact, I think it is a good thing. Also, mom and dad are actively involved with the caregivers to make sure that our wishes and concerns are forefront.
Case in point: I have just exchanged 3 long emails with my daughter's first grade teacher over a teasing incident at lunch. I'm less involved with my kids just because I work full-time? Please.
I made a choice. This is OUR tournament, remember?
Why is someone else going to tell me that I should have stayed home?
Would that really a better decision for me?
I don't think so.
Why else would I have chosen such a disreputable-looking cretin?
By the way -- my husband is NOT demasculinized. He happens to be a 5th degree black belt; if that's not masculine, I don't now what is. And yes, he respects me. And yes, he even brings me flowers -- for no reason at all. Just because he loves me. Awwwww.
My story is just one. There are also single moms, mixed families with step kids, military moms and multi-generational homes -- just to name a few! There is no one size fits all, so let's not pretend there is. And let's not pretend there is even one "ideal." There is not an ideal, when there each family must make decisions based on the situation they are in.
Why are people still making up this silly "war" between moms when we all have made decisions for our own reasons. We are all on the same team!
My inner-nerd has been unleashed. With statistics. Enjoy.
Are working moms at fault for the world's social ills?